(Hear more about this here: http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/511/the-seven-things-youre-not-supposed-to-talk-about)
Fair enough. Dreams are hard enough to make sense of when we've experienced them. How is someone who wasn't there supposed to have any context as to why it was crazy that you dreamt that your Aunt Elsa was actually a chicken and you were in a barn, but it wasn't a barn and the chicken was actually a big duck and everything turned into a pond, but then you were driving with your old math teacher and the road was closed so you turned around...
(Note: that wasn't my dream and I don't have an Aunt Elsa)
But it was so crazy! And it made so much sense because it shows I'm obviously stressed about tax season that's coming up in ten months which is why my crazy Aunt who I always avoid was there and, and...
Yeah, nobody cares.
Some people are really into dreams and spend a lot of time analyzing them and experimenting with lucid dreaming and all that kind of stuff. I used to have a dream analysis book. It was fun to read, but I don't buy into. I'm of the school of thought that dreams are just our conciousness randomly latching on to thoughts that are passing through our brain at any point in the night and trying to make sense of them given the restrictions on our other senses, mainly sight.
I do have a lot of thoughts on dreams because I dream a lot. Like, pretty much every night. Vividly, too. It can be exhausting. Not lately, but sometimes I have really terrible nightmares that scare the four-letter-words out of me. The worst part is when you wake up from a dream like that and go back to sleep and fall right back into the same dream. What a sleep cycle.
Of course, it works the other way, too. I LIKE dreaming sometimes. It can be really silly and interesting to think about what my brain likes to put together when I'm not as in control of it. And sometimes I have really good dreams that I am on vacation or really famous or playing with puppies or something. And if I'm really lucky, I wake up before my alarm and when I lay back down to catch a few more minutes of zzz's I fall right back into that really good dream. So, it evens out with the bad ones.
Normally my dreams are just confusing and irrational and don't seem to have any meaning or bearing on anything. In fact, they can be downright boring repetitions of thoughts and experiences from that day. That happens probably the most frequently. And I don't generally have recurring dreams, that I can remember anyway.
Except for one. And I will ignore the rule now about not telling people my dreams. I'm not much for rules, but I will be brief.
MY RECURRING DREAM:
It's not always EXACTLY the same, but it's the same theme. I am wandering around the hallways of a school. Highschool or college, sometimes it's one, sometimes the other, sometimes both, sometimes a different kind of school all together. Dreams are weird like that. Sometimes it's all those things in the same dream. Anyway, the point is I'm in the hallways wandering around. It is near the end of the school year or semester. I am trying to find my classes, but I have no idea where they are. I realize I have skipped so much school that I literally cannot remember at all where my classrooms are. So I spend the majority of the dream peering into classrooms, hoping that I see someone or something I recognize to jog my memory and remind me that this is where my chemistry or history or whatever class is. It is a very stressful dream and I wake up still concerned about it, despite the fact that I am not in school any more.
I had this dream the other night and it wasn't the first time. I remember the scenario and the feelings quite well. It's very realistic, probably not the least because I was a pretty avid class skipper in my day.
If I were going to interpret this dream, I would say that it shows my concerns in two main areas of my life: my past and my future.
My past because, well, I used to skip a lot of class. I like my me-time and I guess that didn't always align with my school schedule. It wasn't great, though, to be at the end of the semester, wondering if I lost too many points from attendance to pass. That was a mistake I made (a lot) and I do worry about repeating some of my mistakes in different ways.
My future because in the dream I am totally lost. I don't remember where I've been and can't figure out where I'm going. Can't we all relate to that? Do you know where you're going with your life? I don't.
Hey, don't get me wrong. I am now a happily married woman with a cool husband, a decent apartment, a stable-ish job and a Master's degree. That's pretty adult, right?
My problem right now is that I want to ditch my job for a career. But not just any career. I don't want to take a job in an office just because it feels more "real". I want a career path in something that interests me, that makes me happy. Maybe that's a little idealistic, but I'm an idealistic person.
So, what is my dream job? I don't know. Something that involves talking to interesting people, challenges me, provides me a chance to show off how awesome and smart and I can be, but also contributes to making the world a better place in some small way, or at minimum, doesn't make the world a WORSE place. And preferably doesn't involve constantly sitting at a desk. That would be ideal.
I don't know what that job is and I don't think it comes at entry-level. But maybe it does! Tomorrow's to-do list is career. Look up job listings, apply to at least two (at least!), brainstorm things that make me happy, things that I am skilled, things I can convince others that I am skilled at, etc.
I'm also going to start a dream journal. I dream every night and sometimes the dreams are cool. I promise I won't start posting them on here (not ALL of them, anyway), but maybe I can benefit by examining myself both during my waking hours and my sleeping hours.
TUESDAY TO-DO LIST
- write down any parts of my dreams I remember
- look up local job listings and apply to all that seem interesting, whether I am qualified or not
- write at least two cover letters for the most interesting jobs I find
- think hard about what kind of career I might like and how feasible it is for me to break into that
- if I come up with anything, make a list of steps I can take to work towards it. Bonus if I can come up with steps to cover multiple career ideas.
- visit Ric and Mirabai for some friend catching up and hanging out time!
- weed the garden (still haven't gotten around to that)
For your to-do list, dear reader, throw caution to societal conventions and tell us about your dreams. Either your weird and wild sleeping dreams, or your ambitious and grand waking dreams. If no one else wants to hear about them, I do! And feel free to ramble about any context as to why your dreams are so interesting. I believe you, I really do.
I should mention, to wrap up, that in my recurring dream, if I ever do manage to find a classroom where I'm actually supposed to be, everything is fine. I don't fail or get yelled at or anything bad. I just slip in and it's like I've been there all along. That's encouraging, right?
Brainstorming dream jobs is fun but also discouraging. For instance, when I combine all of my interests into a job listing, I get:
ReplyDeleteManager of a farm to table pizza/sushi cafe that employs ex convicts and provides art counseling. This restaurant grows all of its own food out back which is on a mountain top beach monastery on the moon. Also, we produce our own energy via orbital compost pile and have live music on Friday nights.
I still haven't seen that ad posted on Craigslist.
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ReplyDeleteI've been studying complex problem solving lately. Finding a job is like solving a complex problem: some solutions, or jobs, are better then others, but there's a lot of moving parts that interact in occasionally unexpected ways. Similar solutions, and jobs, tend to have similar overall good-ness, or "fitness." Map out similar solutions, and you get a "fitness landscape" of hills and valleys.
ReplyDeleteThere are many ways to solve complex problems. An ant crawls along, testing slight changes to his situation. In this myopic journey, you only take small steps forward, and only if they offer some improvement. Pros: you only move up. Cons: you eventually land at the top of a hill, with nowhere to go but down. If that hill is not particularly tall, you're stuck on a "local peak." Is it the tallest one around? You don't know unless you can see the map.
There are various techniques for computers and large groups. The thing is, though, you're an individual - you can only solve one problem at a time. So, I guess, this particular issue ... not my job. But, I do know some things. If you don't want to be an ant stuck on a local hill, you could try making some big leaps. Re-roll all the dice: if you're in a valley, chances are the dice will land you higher. It's possible, though, that you might just land on the edge of another small hill. It's also possible that you could land on the edge of a mountain. Sometimes even just a single small change in the "wrong" direction can lead you onto the edge of a higher mountain. (Remember, this is multi-dimensional space, not a Mario world.) Then again, Hamlet, it's also possible that you're already on the edge of a mountain, and don't even know it!
One of the tricks, though, one of the pieces I still don't understand -- but its proven by Math -- is that the highest mountains tend to be next to the deepest valleys. Or, as the non-mathematicians say, its always darkest right next to the storm. Or, as Plαtωn says, "never decline prison or a beggar's sack!" We can see some of the future -- we can see if a few steps ahead is uphill or downhill -- but not much further than that.